I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize