Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize