Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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