M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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