He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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