That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
