I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
