just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
