Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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