So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
