THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize