i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize