Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
