Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize