Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
