So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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