I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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