yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
