it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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