help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
