went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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