Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
