I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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