I just cut my nipple shaving
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
