Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
