Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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