in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
