he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
