What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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