So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
