yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
