I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
