omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
