Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
