The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can't special order awesome
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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