You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
