I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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