he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
