I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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