its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
