I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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