yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
