he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
