I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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