I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
