Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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