Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
