Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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