Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
