You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
