well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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