I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
