i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
