Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
