Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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