note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
