I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
