STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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