Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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