I accidentally had phone sex last night
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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