She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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