just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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