and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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