she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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