you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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