Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
