I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
