Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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