I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
