You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
