Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
