I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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