i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My dick has a subreddit
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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