At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
