It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
