Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
