Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
