walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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