We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize