Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
