Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
