I cannot find my penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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