the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
