I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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