they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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