i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
