Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
