I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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