You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
